Marriage, dating and the communication scale…

So when does a date begin and end?  That’s probably not such a difficult question if you’re single and dating – it ends when you say goodbye – evening or morning it doesn’t matter, at some point you say goodbye.  So much harder to pin down when you’re married.

I love to communicate but not just any kind of communication, I like to go deep – I can talk work and weather and can critique wine and beer or whiskey and just enjoy a good dinner but if I don’t get to communicate deeply with my dinner/drink partner (man or woman), it’s really going nowhere for me.

Frankly, these days sex as sport doesn’t hold much intrigue for me as I prefer a sensual lavish meander complete with “Your Body is a Wonderland” type of focused interaction, that being said, I don’t need to verbally communicate much if there is some sort of action involved …  football, darts, shooting pool, all of those things will entertain me enough to where speaking is not a necessity but that’s just a short term fun fix; at some point I need deep, meaningful communication.  Men, do you need that?  I really have no clue.

So the dilemma – what if you’re a talker, a go deep talker and you’re married to a not so deep talker.  It’s a challenge.

We went to dinner this evening, hubby’s idea and it was a welcome one as with the fires burning and my asthma I literally was stuck in the bedroom all day with the air filter running so I took a chance with the “carrot” of steak and a neat shot of Jack dangling before me.   It was too early for the bar to have any action and no football was on so hubby I got to talking and I was enjoying myself immensely but then we were done with dinner and done with the drinks and suddenly he’s ready to go; like the conversation didn’t hold the importance to him that it did to me,  and I have no idea whether it did or it didn’t – I didn’t ask but as this post indicates, the question is on my mind.

On the way home I had an asthma attack from the smoke so was more focussed on that when we first returned home and by the time I was done hacking up a lung, hubby was in PJs and watching Treehouse Masters.  Now there is nothing wrong with that, so I’m just exploring, learning out loud, there is nothing wrong with that, yet, I felt like I’d been dropped at the virtual doorstep without so much as a kiss goodbye.

This is marriage challenge that I need to explore – so when does a married date end?  And what is a marriage date?  I won’t tackle that tonight, I’m now hunkered upstairs again with the filter running and I’m watching my Criminal Minds as I type.

Communication is important to a relationship but it’s obvious that there are two ends to the spectrum and someday I’ll have to explore (meaning get up the courage to ask) where hubby lies on that scale – I don’t think it’s on the same end as I am.

Thank you, dear reader, for indulging me – please feel free to share your thoughts on the subject – I’d love to hear them!

 

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